Thorn, Roses and Rosebuds

Its New Years Eve 2010 at about 9:18pm.  I am lounging in the livingroom with my 6 year old, and my husband.  My oldest daughter is in my bedroom watching tv and my 7 year old is spending the night with her other family.  It is a peaceful night.  I have almost a relieved relaxed feeling, but I'm not sure if its because I am ready to begin the new year, or because I actually have a day off tomorrow.

My husband has been blogging for awhile now, and I have just just started. I was always nervous about starting.  I have so many ideas, but the thought of putting them down on paper (or computer) for the world to see terrifies me. One of the ways he has helped me get started is by introducing me to some of his fellow bloggers. One of them, Jana (http://janasthinkingplace.com/), has come up with a brilliant idea for a blog.  Its called thorn, roses and rosebuds for 2010. So, here is my contribution:

Thorn: The loss of my grandmother had to be the sharpest thorn of them all.  Although we got to say our goodbyes, I cant help but feel that there is so much more I wanted to say. More time I wanted to spend.  I love you Grandmother, and miss you greatly.

Roses: It is going to be very hard for me to only pick 2. So I am going to try to stuff it all together.
1) My family: Lance, Taylor, Lyla and Carly.  They make each day special in so many ways.  Whether its a hug, an I love you, or even a eye roll.  We all have a special bond that can't be broken.We have done so many fun things together this year. We went on vacation to the beach, watched Lance complete the peachtree road race, etc... We are the family I have always dreamed that I would have.
2) My family and friends: My parents, My Sister, My Neice.  I am thankful for each of them.  They are all amazing people. Mimi and Poppy have been there for me in so many ways, and I Love You.  My relationship with my dad has really blossomed this past year.  He has married a terrific woman who makes him happy. Dad and Lan, I Love You.  April, you are stronger than you know.  I love spending time with you. You always make me smile.  Isabella, I couldnt imagine life without you.  Even though you are my neice, you are an extension of my children.  I love you! I have a few friends who have been amazing this year, I am thankful that you all are in my life.  A special thanks to Beth for putting up with me almost everyday.  You have listened to me complain, and listened to me brag about my girls. Thank you for being there when I needed a friend. (oh, and burritos are good for breakfast.)

Rosebuds:
1) I look forward to decorating my home and working in the yard.  I want to grow a garden of veggies and herbs.
2) I want to spend more time just playing with my girls. Just having fun and laughing.
3) I want to be a better wife. I want to continue to make him happy and show him that he is my past, present and future. I want to love him like he deserves.

Enjoy!

Thank you Mom

In my last blog I wrote about how amazing my daughter Taylor was.  I briefly touched on the fact that after I had her I moved back in with my mom.  I may have even mentioned how my mom was alot of help during that time.  Now I want to write about how wonderful my mom has been for my whole life.

My mom did not have what most people would call a normal childhood.  Growing up, she lived with her mom and 3 brothers. (1 older and 2 younger)  My grandmother worked alot so my mom took over alot of the household duties. Because of this, she grew up alot faster than she should have.  She knew how to run a house at a very early age.  She met my dad and married very young.  4 years later, she had me.  She tells me stories about how she and I would just sit and play all day. She would spend 30 minutes every morning making sure the house was clean and she would make sure the rest of the day was dedicated to me.  My dad would go to work in the morning and her best friend Karen would take me and her son Joshua to kmart just to get an icey.  From what I understand, that happened a few times a week.  I dont have any memories of that, but when she talks about it her eyes light up. She loves telling those types of stories, partly because they are memories of me, and partly because she gets to relive her memories with her best friend Karen (the greatest woman she has ever met, she says).  She misses her so much, since she passed.

Growing up my mom worked hard to make a living for us.  When my parents divorced, she had to get a job outside of the home.  She had kept kids for many years in our home so that she could stay home with us. She made just enough money to pay the bills and make sure my sister and I ate.  I remember many times when she would cook 2 porkchops and vegetables. My sister and I would get the porkchops and she would just eat the veggies, so that we would have something nice.  We ate beans, cornbread and potatoes alot. It was cheap.  Its funny because growing up, I hated that meal because we had it so much. Now, I love it. 

There was one time when I wanted to go to the circus with my friend. She counted up all of her change just to buy me a ticket.  I did not realize at that time, how hard that must have been for her.  I did not realize that that money could have paid a bill, got her gas money, or even got her a porkchop to eat. 

She woke my sister and I up one time at about 1am and told us to get dressed, we were going to the waffle house.  My sister and I got to order whatever we wanted.  My mom did not eat. She smiled the whole time, she was happy that we got that special treat.  I'm sure if you ask her one of her most memorable moments of us growing up she will tell you 2 stories. 1) my sister and I made her a homeade cake.  We went in the kitchen and used whatever ingredients we could find. Everything from cocoa to hot sauce.  I'm sure that she had a serious upset stomach afterwards, but she ate every bite of her piece with a smile. She said she loved it.  2) My sister and I bought her a minature live christmas tree for her christmas present. We bought it about a month before christmas. We wrapped it and put it in my closet.  Well, it was dead by the time she opened it. She proudly displayed that tree for awile. She was proud of it.  Still to this day on her christmas tree that she puts up every year, there are homeade ornaments that my sister and I made when we were young. Along with one that our children have made. 

When I had Taylor and moved back in with her, she quit her job and started an in home daycare so that Tay didnt have to go to daycare while I worked. I took that for granted then, I am thankful now.  Not many people would have taken an 18 year old and a newborn back into their home.  She would still rather go without so that she could give her grandchildren everything they want.  Sometimes she goes overboard, but thats another blog...

I am so thankful that God choose her to raise me. There is not a stronger woman ever born. I wish there was a way that I could thank her for everything she has done for me. Without her, I would be lost. She has taught me how to be the mother I am, the wife I am and the woman I am. She has no idea how much I admire her, how much I love her.  I owe her everything.. I am grateful to know her. Her love is unconditional.

She is my kids Mimi.  But most importantly, SHE IS MY MOM!

You illuminate my life

If I could use 1 word to describe her it would be illuminate.  This word has a few different meaning and all of them apply to her.

il·lu·mi·nate

   /v. ɪˈluməˌneɪt; adj., n. ɪˈlumənɪt, -ˌneɪt/ Show Spelled [v. ih-loo-muh-neyt; adj., n. ih-loo-muh-nit, -neyt] Show IPA verb, -nat·ed, -nat·ing, adjective, noun

–verb (used with object)

1.

to supply or brighten with light; light up.

2.

to make lucid or clear; throw light on (a subject).

3.

to decorate with lights, as in celebration.

4.

to enlighten, as with knowledge.

5.

to make resplendent or illustrious: A smile illuminated her face.

 

When I was 17 years old I didnt have much motivation. I never really put 100% effort into anything, and I was sure that I wasnt going to amount to much. I wasnt planning to go to college, I was going to work right out of high school. Where was I going to work you ask? I had no plan.  I am not sure why I was like  this, but I was. At this time I went to school during the day and had an afternoon job at Dominos pizza in Winder.  Shortly after my 18th birthday I found out I was pregnant. To try to explain my emotions would be impossible, I was terrified. Terrified, but at peace.  I remember thinking a few minutes after I found out that its time for me to step it up. I was going to have a little girl that needed me. (yes, I knew she was going to be a little girl right away) I had been falling behind in school and I was going to graduate approximatly 1 year late.  That was not going to do.  I immediatly enrolled myself in summer school. ( if found out in april that I was pregnant).  That summer, I took several classes, and worked full time in the evening. Sometimes at dominos and also at a insurance telemarketing company.  Beginning in August of 1995, I went to regular school, worked a few hours, went to night school and worked on weekends. I graduated in January.  I was determined that my daughter was going to have a high school graduate for a mom. I officially graduated the nigh that I went into labor.  I didnt get to walk, I was doing something much, much better. 

 

The saying that "you'll know when you have kids" is true.  The minute they place that angel in my arms at the hospital, my life changed in so many ways.  I drove to the hospital that night in an ice storm.  It had been dark and dreary outside for days.  Ice covered the roads. The minute I held her, the sun pushed through the coulds and lightened the room.  I tell her that "you are my sunshine" is our song.  To me, it was a sign that everything would be right from now on.  See number 1 of the above defination.

 

The moment they put her in my arms, my thoughts changed. I did not matter anymore. I had to do everything I can to make sure that this angel had everything she needed.  I had to make sure she was happy and healthy.  It took me a month to get things changed. I moved back in with my parents.  They were amazing. I was able to work full time and support my baby.  I was able to put her first.  See number 2 and 4 in the above defination.

 

Through the years, she continues to make me think. She continues to make me grow. If I were to write down all of her accomplishments, this blog would never end.  She works hard in school. She makes choices that will benifit her in the future.  She has a life plan. In a few weeks, that little baby girl will be turning 15.  She gets mad when she catches me staring at her sometimes. She doesnt realize that when I am staring at her, I still see the little baby she once was.  I would give anything for one more moment to hold her and rock her to sleep.  Now, I have to beg her for a hug. Everytime she tells me she loves me a feeling of happiness overwhelms me. Her future is bright.  I would like to think I had something to do with that. In reality, my future is bright. I owe that to her.   Without her my life would not be complete. She makes this world a better place for everyone who know her. She is amazing and beautiful.  See numbers 3 and 5 in the above defination.

 

Happy almost 15th birthday Taylor. You are my sunshine. You illuminate my life. I love you.

People: Ears vs. Mouth

Let me start by saying that you should never overestimate the power of listening over speaking. I have found that some of the biggest arguments that I have been in throughout my life is when I have inturepted the person speaking and jumped to a conclusion about what they were saying.  Come to think of it, I used to do that alot. I never really realized how much I listened with my mouth instead of my ears until a few years ago.

Some people have a very defensive personallity. I used to be one of those people.  I would argue with a wall if I thought it was disagreeing with me. I knew I was right about everything.  These type of people will not give up, even when its proven to them that they are wrong. I had a client at work tell one of my coworkers when he was checking out that he did not approve a treatment that was given to his pet. She pointed out to him that he had indeed signed a form giving permission to do that treatment.  His exact response was "So, am I just supposed to start reading every thing I sign from now on?"

I have learned alot about human nature over the past few years.
1) People do not listen: They will say whatever they think you want to here to move on to the next step of whatever they need to do.  This happens at work and in my personal life on a daily basis.  I will have a conversation about something small with someone and when it is brought up again, that person will say "we never talked about that".  When I remind them that we did, its somehow my fault that it was forgotten.
2) People have a hard time admitting fault: Have you ever noticed that when someone else does something wrong, or make a mistake (however small it might be) That there is always a undercover, dispicable, reason or person at fault for that mistake. It is NEVER the persons fault who actually makes the mistake. For example, If I were to type the sentance:  i reelie wisch it wood sno on christmas. All of the typos and incorrect spellings would be because the person who used my computer before me turned off my spell check and auto corrections. Another example: This is a true story. Some guy rented an RV to take his family on vacation. While driving down the road, he put it on autodrive and went to the back to use the restroom. The RV wrecked. He sued the company because autodrive was supposed to drive for him.

Its funny how some things change when you grow up.  I have learned that just because I am right about almost everything, not everything is black and white. The person I am arguing with might be somewhat right as well. I would rather admit when I am wrong then to have it hanging over my head. If I say Im sorry, Im sorry. I dont say Im sorry to try and get you to apoligize and then when you dont say it , take my I'm sorry back.
I have also learned that its ok if Im wrong sometimes, that doesnt make me any less of a person. There are some people in my life that just can't admit when they are wrong, and if they do admit that, the reason they are in the wrong is usually because of something I did. (go figure). An example.. Im truely sorry I said or did this, but you......... whenever the apology has a but in it, it becomes meaningless.

It time for the adults in this world to grow up:  the point of this blog and my future blogs is this:

I make mistakes. I am only human.  I cry at stupid tv movies. I forget things.  I get sick.  I screw up. I do stupid things.  But in the end... I am worth it.