You illuminate my life

If I could use 1 word to describe her it would be illuminate.  This word has a few different meaning and all of them apply to her.

il·lu·mi·nate

   /v. ɪˈluməˌneɪt; adj., n. ɪˈlumənɪt, -ˌneɪt/ Show Spelled [v. ih-loo-muh-neyt; adj., n. ih-loo-muh-nit, -neyt] Show IPA verb, -nat·ed, -nat·ing, adjective, noun

–verb (used with object)

1.

to supply or brighten with light; light up.

2.

to make lucid or clear; throw light on (a subject).

3.

to decorate with lights, as in celebration.

4.

to enlighten, as with knowledge.

5.

to make resplendent or illustrious: A smile illuminated her face.

 

When I was 17 years old I didnt have much motivation. I never really put 100% effort into anything, and I was sure that I wasnt going to amount to much. I wasnt planning to go to college, I was going to work right out of high school. Where was I going to work you ask? I had no plan.  I am not sure why I was like  this, but I was. At this time I went to school during the day and had an afternoon job at Dominos pizza in Winder.  Shortly after my 18th birthday I found out I was pregnant. To try to explain my emotions would be impossible, I was terrified. Terrified, but at peace.  I remember thinking a few minutes after I found out that its time for me to step it up. I was going to have a little girl that needed me. (yes, I knew she was going to be a little girl right away) I had been falling behind in school and I was going to graduate approximatly 1 year late.  That was not going to do.  I immediatly enrolled myself in summer school. ( if found out in april that I was pregnant).  That summer, I took several classes, and worked full time in the evening. Sometimes at dominos and also at a insurance telemarketing company.  Beginning in August of 1995, I went to regular school, worked a few hours, went to night school and worked on weekends. I graduated in January.  I was determined that my daughter was going to have a high school graduate for a mom. I officially graduated the nigh that I went into labor.  I didnt get to walk, I was doing something much, much better. 

 

The saying that "you'll know when you have kids" is true.  The minute they place that angel in my arms at the hospital, my life changed in so many ways.  I drove to the hospital that night in an ice storm.  It had been dark and dreary outside for days.  Ice covered the roads. The minute I held her, the sun pushed through the coulds and lightened the room.  I tell her that "you are my sunshine" is our song.  To me, it was a sign that everything would be right from now on.  See number 1 of the above defination.

 

The moment they put her in my arms, my thoughts changed. I did not matter anymore. I had to do everything I can to make sure that this angel had everything she needed.  I had to make sure she was happy and healthy.  It took me a month to get things changed. I moved back in with my parents.  They were amazing. I was able to work full time and support my baby.  I was able to put her first.  See number 2 and 4 in the above defination.

 

Through the years, she continues to make me think. She continues to make me grow. If I were to write down all of her accomplishments, this blog would never end.  She works hard in school. She makes choices that will benifit her in the future.  She has a life plan. In a few weeks, that little baby girl will be turning 15.  She gets mad when she catches me staring at her sometimes. She doesnt realize that when I am staring at her, I still see the little baby she once was.  I would give anything for one more moment to hold her and rock her to sleep.  Now, I have to beg her for a hug. Everytime she tells me she loves me a feeling of happiness overwhelms me. Her future is bright.  I would like to think I had something to do with that. In reality, my future is bright. I owe that to her.   Without her my life would not be complete. She makes this world a better place for everyone who know her. She is amazing and beautiful.  See numbers 3 and 5 in the above defination.

 

Happy almost 15th birthday Taylor. You are my sunshine. You illuminate my life. I love you.